sara i

tiny and sharp tongued
afraid of confrontation
a little weak at heart
constant remonstration
when you bear those teeth
you're about as cuddly as a shark
but it's in this warmth i long to
give you in my grasp
if i can love you,
even as you are so cold
if i could push my hands
through limp hair
and claim your lips for my own
if i could impart the wisdom
of lover's love unheard,
that i love you anyway
it's not that absurd
you don't have to be prettier
to deserve my heart
you don't have to trade your personality
for anything less than stark
we can love hot and cold-
and create together new life
we can be just as great
-as your cold blooded heart

a drink to you,
my precious bitch
a drink until it's light
if you were anything less than unkind
you wouldn't be worth the fight
it's not just that you're 'zany'
a look is just enough
to put me in my place
and instantly shut me up
if i thought that i would do anything
in the past, for love
i didn't have an inkling
of what i am capable of
if i'd met you sooner
perhaps you'd be more a delight
but i prefer you this way
you irritable cry for help

whenever i catch you laughing
i'm just shocked at the sight
i didn't think you had
thoughts and feelings
that weren't posthumously dark
i imagine our coupling
as a way to pick a fight
and the make up after
enough to sort me out
it's not that you're not loving
and i'm sure you sometimes smile
i just love to love the fury
that tempts to overflow
it's a wonder now then,
that your face lights up at all
that you speak with understanding
and not from behind a wall
i get that you're stressed
and i get that you've got to work
but it makes me want to throw you down
and kiss you in the dirt

if i could pay for your attention
i'd pay a pretty dime
i'd hire you for hours
-you're more than worth my time
i'm not trying to objectify
and i know no woman is a whore
i'm just trying to convey the desperation
of always wanting more
i know it's inappropriate
and i know that you're not gay
but it's past understanding
i love you anyway.

human condition

about my human condition
does it have a cure
can i hook myself on drips and wires
and medicate this mortal coil
this affliction i'm coming down with
which makes me ill with sickening ease
as it slips through cracks and cuts
in my skin to taint
the fragile infrastructure within
the raw flesh of feeling
sits heavy on my tongue
speak to me from the embers
the spark that's chained me up
these bleached bones at your feet
is my part in you

mr ogyny

i bet you hate women

i can see it through that thin veneer

and if it were possible to

cease and desist

you diseased little kid

with ideas and imagination

that would burn our world to 

ruination turn

nations and populations to

dust in his lungs

just so he could

have a little fun

bio-graphic

my life is like a story
i've forgotten to write
i open my mouth to try
and the words
wont come out
i'm fussy and forgetful
and i always get it wrong
i tell the truth at every cost
even if it gives me hell

i uncover the stone
i'm hiding under
forget that people are
scared of the dark
i try to lie to myself
to make it better
but i'm just without

how are you supposed
to tell your mother
you're tired of life
i could fill this room
with so many things
i could fill a house
-with the absence of feeling
i could fill it out

i could cry to myself
and wonder how
it is i became
so lost and without
a drive to stay
but it's a laughing matter,
i've always been this way
i feel a failure
around people of my age
i feel guilty
that i've already caved

mechanical heart

inside this paper body

this flimsy fragile mind

sits deep and dark

in blood and skin 

sits wonder for a 

mechanical heart

in organ rich and slippery

sits next to 

bone work frame

statuette of primitive art

mechanical heart

i want to trade

with ticks all metered

and tocks aligned

a metal heart

would do just fine

never worn

and never stutter

a metal heart

might never

falter.

could i

every time you empty mouthed
i lose a little soul
every time i hear meaningless nothings
that mean nothing at all
i lose a little something
that leaves me cold
do these moments that we share
last forever on your lips
does it stick like superglue
and make you feel sick
every time i try and fail
to get through to you

(every moment i bear the guilt)
i walk a little shorter
and further from you
every moment a word slips
from mine to yours
filling your stomach
with nothing at all
if one word were to nourish
don't worry
i'd speak them all
and if i thought that saying nothing
would in any way prevent your fall
i'd throw away my voice
i'd throw away it all
if i could feed you encouragement
you'd be my baby bird
if i could somehow transcend
a wisdom which was unheard
i'd pass through you like water
and fix your aching pores
i'd travel through your bloodstream
and whisper food for thought
i could take out my toolkit
and rewire inside your brain
i'd take care to remove
your struggles and your pain
if i could manipulate your
subconscious
if i were that refined
i'd let you come to something
that would let you change your mind
if i could hand you cutlery
and tell you it's okay
that eating is a necessity
i'd tell you every day

hell within

i am your second hand smoke
crawling out and into your throat
reaching claws so sharp,
some demon they denote
curling round vestal organs
and squeezing them to pulp
i am smoke and mirrors
your racing heart fears
reflecting yourself so dark
the hell within me,
for within me hell i bring